Hello my fellow Canadian Nationalists. Or as I intend to call us, Canationalists because it sounds neat.
Our plans are moving smoothly and soon we will have successfully infiltrated all major states and organizations around the globe with our mild and non-threatening influence.
The traits that make us Canadian will soon guide this puny earth and our Northern Power will reign supreme. Politeness will be the language of the world's diplomacy. Sort of like it is now but even more so because everyone will actually mean the polite things they say to their foreign diplomatic counterparts. Once our mentality is fully spread to the world's leaders, the ingrained dislike of strong or hostile sentiments will make declaring war almost impossible. Tell me, how do you declare war without being impolite? It is almost impossible! With Canada's prior reputation for peacekeeping that we love to always bring up while trying not to sound too, we will dominate in the context of world peace. When no-violence reigns, who can thrive more than Canucks?
And for those countries that prefer waging war without first declaring it, well, that is the most impolite tactic of all and the shame that will be heaped upon their heads will make them far too blushed to be able to successfully combat a foe. Which is fortunate because we don't really have that much of an army in Canada since a strong standing army seems kind of threatening and rude to others, like we're assuming that they're bad neighbors. We keep just enough to shoot the sneaky polar bears that Russia sends in to Canada to spy on our igloos. Putin wrestles them first in front of some cameras to gain their loyalty by proving that he is the alpha bear. Harper was talking about practicing to do the same so that we could make some of them double agents but wrestling isn't very Canadian and Harper gets self-conscious with his shirt off.
Also, our moderate belief that government can actually be somewhat useful in managing problematic aspects of society and dampening the excesses of a capitalist economy will soon be the model for all countries including those that already do so in a far more efficient fashion. Most people have heard that Canada's banks survived the financial collapse with minimal losses due to keeping them somewhat regulated. Little do they know that Canada caused the financial collapse in order to prove that government regulations can be useful in curbing greed. Harper's talk of deregulation prior to the collapse was simply to provide political cover for the US to continue deregulating so that the inevitable collapse would prove our model the correct one. Devious does not even begin to describe the Canadian mind. With any luck, other countries will embrace this mentality even in areas where it seems sickeningly nanny-statish and we implement it poorly. Children throwing snowballs at recess? Disgusting in its impoliteness. Some additional laws will fix those natural and childish antics. Kids hate laws.
However, despite our successes, we also must be wary of pitfalls in our plans. Foreign Affairs Minister John Baird's angry remarks to Putin regarding Russian legislation that bans any kind of promotion of homosexual lifestyles is such an example. While the sentiment of accepting people whatever their sexual orientation is certainly a Canadian one and will reign supreme when Canada rules, it is dangerous for our right-wing party to too openly push such an agenda. It makes it seem as if Canadians have too much in common that they are able to stand together behind basics rights. We must seem a divided people if we wish to divert suspicion from our unified goal of dominating mankind and forcing it to think, live and even breath Canadian. No one must know that we sign a secret pledge upon being born, even before we have basic comprehension of pledges or anything at all, that devotes our lives to the cause of Canadian World Domination.
So be careful Baird, we're not powerful enough yet to face an enemy that knows of our unified strength and goals. You must throw a few more zingers at Trudeau and Mulcair to reduce suspicion which I know I can count on you for.
For the moment fellow Canationalists, that is all. Please return to your political parties and recommence squabbling. I've been in contact with Bryan Adams and he will be making his move shortly. You all know your roles.
We will speak again when the beaver crows.
AS
Our plans are moving smoothly and soon we will have successfully infiltrated all major states and organizations around the globe with our mild and non-threatening influence.
The traits that make us Canadian will soon guide this puny earth and our Northern Power will reign supreme. Politeness will be the language of the world's diplomacy. Sort of like it is now but even more so because everyone will actually mean the polite things they say to their foreign diplomatic counterparts. Once our mentality is fully spread to the world's leaders, the ingrained dislike of strong or hostile sentiments will make declaring war almost impossible. Tell me, how do you declare war without being impolite? It is almost impossible! With Canada's prior reputation for peacekeeping that we love to always bring up while trying not to sound too, we will dominate in the context of world peace. When no-violence reigns, who can thrive more than Canucks?
And for those countries that prefer waging war without first declaring it, well, that is the most impolite tactic of all and the shame that will be heaped upon their heads will make them far too blushed to be able to successfully combat a foe. Which is fortunate because we don't really have that much of an army in Canada since a strong standing army seems kind of threatening and rude to others, like we're assuming that they're bad neighbors. We keep just enough to shoot the sneaky polar bears that Russia sends in to Canada to spy on our igloos. Putin wrestles them first in front of some cameras to gain their loyalty by proving that he is the alpha bear. Harper was talking about practicing to do the same so that we could make some of them double agents but wrestling isn't very Canadian and Harper gets self-conscious with his shirt off.
Also, our moderate belief that government can actually be somewhat useful in managing problematic aspects of society and dampening the excesses of a capitalist economy will soon be the model for all countries including those that already do so in a far more efficient fashion. Most people have heard that Canada's banks survived the financial collapse with minimal losses due to keeping them somewhat regulated. Little do they know that Canada caused the financial collapse in order to prove that government regulations can be useful in curbing greed. Harper's talk of deregulation prior to the collapse was simply to provide political cover for the US to continue deregulating so that the inevitable collapse would prove our model the correct one. Devious does not even begin to describe the Canadian mind. With any luck, other countries will embrace this mentality even in areas where it seems sickeningly nanny-statish and we implement it poorly. Children throwing snowballs at recess? Disgusting in its impoliteness. Some additional laws will fix those natural and childish antics. Kids hate laws.
However, despite our successes, we also must be wary of pitfalls in our plans. Foreign Affairs Minister John Baird's angry remarks to Putin regarding Russian legislation that bans any kind of promotion of homosexual lifestyles is such an example. While the sentiment of accepting people whatever their sexual orientation is certainly a Canadian one and will reign supreme when Canada rules, it is dangerous for our right-wing party to too openly push such an agenda. It makes it seem as if Canadians have too much in common that they are able to stand together behind basics rights. We must seem a divided people if we wish to divert suspicion from our unified goal of dominating mankind and forcing it to think, live and even breath Canadian. No one must know that we sign a secret pledge upon being born, even before we have basic comprehension of pledges or anything at all, that devotes our lives to the cause of Canadian World Domination.
So be careful Baird, we're not powerful enough yet to face an enemy that knows of our unified strength and goals. You must throw a few more zingers at Trudeau and Mulcair to reduce suspicion which I know I can count on you for.
For the moment fellow Canationalists, that is all. Please return to your political parties and recommence squabbling. I've been in contact with Bryan Adams and he will be making his move shortly. You all know your roles.
We will speak again when the beaver crows.
AS
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